START FREEWAY

02:25 pm: .
F.I.L.T.F
I'm whispering words to your sun
I know he's a flake
But I don't need him that way
I just sense him out there
On the streets of Redfern
Guitar in hand
Palming away
Proffered blow trade
Gleefully singing
I'm Only Sleeping
Black Star
And
His own songs
His own songs now

I know where he goes
When nobody knows
And I'm talking to him
Crying really
I call
& he comes
Sits by me on the steps
His arm on my legs
And I confess
"I'm in love with your father,
And I don't want to be.
I don't want to be."

Cash just listens
As he always does
Thinking deeply
Prior to speaking
As he always does
And by the time I'm leaving
I've let you go again
Enough to be standing before you
In your hall again
Laughing with excitement
At being with you again

Ah, there's the rub ...
Because letting go like this
Is the essence
Of a most potent and
Powerful love





Tags: poetry

12:45 pm: .
Cowboy, you've changed me
Cleansed the pages
Given me pause
You feel like someone I lost long ago
A home
Mythological
Ex-drunk, ex-junk
Simultaneously
Whet my appetite, silence me
A bad influence
You said it
Break my boundaries
I said it
I want it
All of it
Your impressive sons
The acid
The bike
The beach
Their friends
And
The sex
One of those rocks
People break against
Bringing out my best
Wild loyal razor sharp
Gentle powerful hard
I'd give you anything
If only that was what you need

Tags: poetry

01:37 pm: Life of R
They say I'm like your big sister
That's where I fit in
The House of Love
The five of us
But they say you also have
A crush

And I think of someone I once knew
Who got their boundaries mixed-up
Their responsibilities
Altering me
So I look with double vision always
Their eyes and mine
It can be a bit weighty 
But I don't mind
I've worked on integrating
But sometimes
It is weird
I'm a bit weird
Always carrying the extra information 
In my energy field

My eyes and my eyes
All my different sides






Tags: poetry

02:20 pm: .
Etiolated by the night
Sky water reversal
The mollusks lap
I trail my fingers in the ink

This is the inhalation from which I will never awake
Suspended gently
Clemency is breaking me

Intelligent albedo
Adamantine, gibbous
Blood from stone

Sodium thiopental
It was written on her throne

Tags: poetry

09:16 pm: Linden
Pirates Ahoy
Captain Me
Captain You
Believe I have an 80 foot galley
So you offer to crew

Young hot smart
You're in my bed
Where we spend all day
Falling in love
Just this once
Ships in the night

Tags: poetry, relationships

10:38 pm: Pattern Recognition
Am re-reading Pattern Recognition, William Gibson's novel from 2003. Went searching for a site which might have possibly re-created "the footage". Probably best I couldn't find it, as when I googled the Buzz Rickson's jacket the main character wears, it did not match the minimalism I had envisaged.

I picture "the footage" to be Tarkovsky-esque, particularly since Stalker is mentioned in the first 5 pages. (My default icon is a still from Stalker btw.)

In other news, tonight I saw the first edit of the film I helped make a couple o weeks ago.

Tags: art, film, novels, sci-fi

07:33 pm: Bonus Photo
The new kitten is making hell for Moxy, the established Siamese (see cat in film), so this sign was put at cat height to encourage them to ...


Tags: friends, humour

06:46 pm: Film Shoot
This really was an amazing experience
I learnt a whole lot of new stuff about making a film, but the best bit was the dedicated and talented crew. It has always been a dream of mine to work collaboratively with artists in this way.


Some crew. The Director is on the right.


We shot in the bowels of the old insane asylum at Roselle which is now SCA.


On set. The film deals with women, hysteria and depression, incarceration, sexual repression. I skimmed a recent text called Mad, Bad and Sad: A History of Women and the Mind Doctors from 1800 for research.


Cat Wrangling

Tags: art, creativity, film, friends

01:07 pm: Painting in Progress
Has been 10 years since I've painted, so initially I was a little daunted. Seems you never forget. Has also been great to be around a group of painters.


This is the original photo I am working from.



And this is the painting so far.







Tags: art, creativity, painting, work

05:18 pm: Potential New Job
I've just applied for a pet sitting job which I think I will probably get. I'll be looking after everything from goldfish to rottweilers. Perfect for me really, with my big crazy house, lots of time and solo hours.

Tags: jobs

12:01 pm: Passionate Elf
Stop weaving your spells
You mad magician
So I'm falling to my knees every time you walk in
And with a flash of your eyes you have me weeping

So?
So I know
You may be a magician
But maybe I'm the wiser of us two

A burden
I carry
For the maelstrom fizz
I get when you're within 10 feet
Every word we exchange is potent
Infinite potentiality riding something
Which transcends our bodies, our deaths
You are pure dynamism to me
Even with years of depression, even when
Your territory extends only a few square km
You are the most alive thing ever

I've never said I wasn't a sucker
Of course it overwhelms me
Of course I've struggled to solve the riddle, the enigma

I've broken apart to be the strongest soldier of them all
To stop the stone breaking down the wood
Knowing all the time what I risk
But just maybe this time, soldier, you have met your match

Tags: poetry

02:48 pm: Rainbow Serpent
So who's going?

11:47 pm: Dazzle
Eighteen months
And I'd clean forgotten the gentle forgetting
In the weeks after
I waited for the dust to settle

It's been time enough
To only vaguely remember
How we connect

But I remember enough to see you again

Ha!
Friend
Brother, lover, uncle, child
Country boy country girl
Travel shared hunger world

You're off to Africa
Always leaving

And I'm surprised to experience exactly the same feelings
An energy of great suppleness
Like your body which seems to have become younger

You split me with laughter, you
Rant your convictions, you rock the
Child sending spume around the room
Yet gentle fusion; there's no lurching with you
You're used to your great heart
Said yes to that years ago

You say I drive like a man
You jerk-off over my photo
You can tell when I'm lying

All night, you tell me story after story
And it's like before,
With the whales
I dream your stories
I can smell you now

And when you said you wouldn't sleep in the car
I smiled to myself and soon listened to your peaceful breath
Breathing deep and singing softly to myself
Watching the train you missed fly under the bridge
All around me, the blessings were falling

Your genius is in goodbye

Tags: poetry

03:17 pm: Apologies to anyone with bogan rootz
but I am getting much black humour from personalised numberplates, which I have been taking notes on for the last month.

Driving through Doncaster at midnight, we couldn't help notice the white Mazda convertible, driven by a fella in stone-wash apparel, with sunglasses sitting on a blond-tipped crew. And the plate as he edged closer towards the lights, was ... BUCKZ.

Outside Jcar, Coburg, I photographed this







And we saw this at Coburg shops on Christmas eve




which, my friends, probably takes the cake, with it's hot pink stone wash molding, and plate KPTRYIN

Other favourites include a hot pink caddy I followed home from work on Sunday which said PNK PNY.

And two the ever vigilant Bunsen sent down from Darwin
COLDROC
and
RARBIT

My New Year's wish is perhaps a little bankruptcy amongst the CUB*s

(*Cashed-up Bogans)

Tags: journal

11:34 pm: Stars by Emily Bronte
Ah! why, because the dazzling sun
Restored our Earth to joy,
Have you departed, every one,
And left a desert sky?

All through the night, your glorious eyes
Were gazing down in mine,
And, with a full heart's thankful sighs,
I blessed that watch divine.

I was at peace, and drank your beams
As they were life to me;
And revelled in my changeful dreams,
Like petrel on the sea.

Thought followed thought, star followed star,
Through boundless regions, on;
While one sweet influence, near and far,
Thrilled through, and proved us one!

Why did the morning dawn to break
So great, so pure, a spell;
And scorch with fire the tranquil cheek,
Where your cool radiance fell?

Blood-red, he rose, and, arrow-straight,
His fierce beams struck my brow;
The soul of nature sprang, elate,
But mine sank sad and low!

My lids closed down, yet through their veil
I saw him, blazing, still,
And steep in gold the misty dale,
And flash upon the hill.

I turned me to the pillow, then,
To call back night, and see
Your worlds of solemn light, again,
Throb with my heart, and me!

It would not do--the pillow glowed,
And glowed both roof and floor;
And birds sang loudly in the wood,
And fresh winds shook the door;

The curtains waved, the wakened flies
Were murmuring round my room,
Imprisoned there, till I should rise,
And give them leave to roam.

Oh, stars, and dreams, and gentle night;
Oh, night and stars, return!
And hide me from the hostile light
That does not warm, but burn;

That drains the blood of suffering men;
Drinks tears, instead of dew;
Let me sleep through his blinding reign,
And only wake with you!

Tags: literature, poems

03:04 pm: .
This is the bit where I face the moment
The shadow,
The still shifting splitting wires.
No sand
In the pizza please.
And the man of the moment,
Can we bring that to love.
More grasses, more barbs,
Just listening, looking,
But that's not what they do?
And to feel worthless, of course,
How many times to feel that in a lifetime.
And there is no horizon of light bells
The operas, the ballets,
The perfect moments.

Tags: poetry

04:03 pm: Small Blue Thing - Suzanne Vega
Today I am
A small blue thing
Like a marble
Or an eye

With my knees against my mouth
I am perfectly round
I am watching you

I am cold against your skin
You are perfectly reflected
I am lost inside your pocket
I am lost against
Your fingers

I am falling down the stairs
I am skipping on the sidewalk
I am thrown against the sky

I am raining down in pieces
I am scattering like light
Scattering like light
Scattering like light

Today I am
A small blue thing
Made of china
Made of glass

I am cool and smooth and curious
I never blink
I am turning in your hand
Turning in your hand
Small blue thing

Tags: lyrics

11:41 pm: Hellfire Resurrection
 When I was 13, they told me at Youth Group, that I wasn't allowed to have sex before marriage.
" What do you mean", I said, " Do you mean, if I don't wait 'till marriage I will go to Hell?"
" Well ... You won't go to Heaven. That's what Christians believe."

 So, that was it, I thought I'd take my chances with Hell.

 But it wasn't just sexual curiosity. It was because I already sensed there was something up with the whole losing virginity/ break hymen/ bloodstain/ sharp pain business. Seemed like a bit of a power imbalance to me. I was to be penetrated and hurt by a man, and it was to be on my wedding night and everyone would know. Sorry, but they weren't going to hang me on a cross.

 Also, the preciousness?!
I'd already put a broom handle inside of me; It was my body and I was allowed to do what I wanted with it. It felt like Christians wanted to make it their business, to make the mystery of my life and my person theirs. No way. There was too much pain, guilt and weird shit in their little book. And one thing I knew about God, is that he wasn't up in the sky somewhere, he was in everything I saw, and my body was part of that.

 My body wasn't bad, my body wasn't to be denied and neither was anyone else's. Well ... that was the ideal ...

 To simplify greatly, when I was 22, my despair at this world had me withdraw from it for a number of years. I was still asking then, Why is the world the way it is? I just couldn't go down any prescribed path. I could remember what I knew as a child, and nothing in the world was going to convince me to adopt something I couldn't feel.
 It took a while, but eventually my hermitage ended. And my sexuality has been sitting quietly all the while, gradually finding expression, gradually finding people to express with.

 It's kinda this simple for me. If I like someone, I want to touch them. Yes, well, doesn't everyone?(Well, no, actually.)  And I like lots of people, and I want to be far more physical with people than I feel I can be. (Argh, I'm not explaining this well but I gotta go to bed).
 Boy or girl, I want to kiss them, lick them, ruffle their hair, squirm on their lap, bite, wrestle, elbow, touch noses, whatever is appropriate, and if they want to touch me, cool, they are allowed, and if someone is 'listening', they can slap me, fist me, tie me up. It's all good. I feel open to everything bodies have to say to each other and I don't need to understand it.



Tags: erotica, sex

03:59 pm: Crush
 Ok. I got it hard, and there's nothing for it but to give free passionate reign.

 The following is what I'd like to do to Belladonna, but as I was thinking about it, I realized, there's quite a few of you sexy people out there I would like to do similar things to. But I don't write about it on lj cos I wouldn't want to freak you out :-/

 So if you're not quirked, here's your chance to imagine I am doing this to YOU!



Tags: erotica, porn

02:44 pm: Dream
  After Sexpo, I crashed on Rodney's couch as I do from time to time, only to be harassed by one of his oddball friends, who woke me on five separate occasions by pulling the blanket off me, sitting in the armchair naked and trying to get on the couch with me naked - you get the idea. Each time I told him in no uncertain terms to fuck-off, to which he would say, "Sorry" then try his luck again. Guys hear this now - There's nothing a girl finds more pathetic than a man who can't understand, "No!"

 Anyway, he finally left the flat and I fell asleep to have this wonderful dream.

 I'm on the private sailing boat of singer Pink. There's a group of us who have been selected for a 'trial'. Pink is looking for people (mostly girls) to crew the ship with her. It's an incredible vessel, able to sail any ocean of the world. She believes you need to know how to sail as a precaution against rising sea levels. The boat has it's own greenhouse and can provide food and water for a whole crew for years. She's also into experimenting with cross-breeding plants and has developed half pineapple half apple, which looks like an apple with translucent skin and the flesh of a pineapple.

 I'm thinking, this woman is seriously keeping it real, and I find myself in total agreement with all her politics.
 
As part of the trail, everything is free, but if you want to join her, you pay an upfront $10 000, and then you have membership for life.

 I see her in the mess hall, where we're allowed to help ourselves to incredible bio-dynamic food at any time: She's putting the stalks of herbs in the compost and just doing all the little things that need to be done to keep everything running smooth.
 I walk up to her and lean my head against a fridge and say, "You could do with more help, couldn't you." To which she says, "Sure could."
 I say, "I'm going to join you Pink. I am blown away by what you want to achieve, and I'm going to make that $10 000 and join, even if I have to make it by being a hooker." My voice breaks as I say this and I start crying.
 She says, "If you're going to join, you've gotta make that money yourself, every cent." Tears run down her face.
 We embrace and the dream ends.

 I woke-up feeling I was back in touch with cherished ideals, ideals I had long given-up on. I felt that I'd found a way to live my life the way I'd always wanted to.

Tags: dream